April 24th
Why this day will forever be a day worth celebrating.
The lights are really dim in the guest room in my parents guest room because I don’t want to wake my daughter, but I know that I need to write out this post before I go to bed because if I don’t, it wont get done this week.
April 24th is coming to a close. This day has always been significant because it was the day that my little brother defied all odds and survived birth and is still alive today. He, just by being with us, is a miracle, so to celebrate him is very special. Zach has a unique way to receiving love, which I didn’t realize until I had my husband point it out to me. I used to think Zach was just selfish, frankly. Any time someone comes over, he expects a gift. If you leave the house to go to the store and come home, he expects something. A neighbor passes by in the car? They have to have something on hand for Zach. It has gotten to the point where my parents have small things on hand for when people come over, so when unsuspecting guests arrive, they have something for Zach.
Zach’s world is contained to my parents house due to his various disabilities. It did not used to be this way, but over time and due to his anxiety and behavioral issues that accompany that, it is a very large treat for Zach to go out in public and do something on his own. He has always been an outgoing person-we always said he knew no stranger. The number of times he has wandered off and randomly ended up in a restricted area with famous people is more than it should be. Now, things like that are just stories that he tells over and over again. So, when he does get to see someone, or someone comes in from outside the house, them bringing him something means they were thinking of him, even though he isn’t able to be there experiencing life like he wants to. (Honestly, that makes me feel like a knife went through my sternum because of how annoyed I get with him and his perseveration of wanting gifts. I get it. He wants to know he is thought of, and loved, and wanted, and missed.)
A little over a year ago, Lucy was born. She had an extended NICU stay and it ended up becoming our new home, essentially, until April 24th, when she was sent home. We got to go home as a family. It was the most terrifying car ride I have ever been on, and the most exhausted I have ever been. But, it because an added significant part of what made April 24th so special.
Lucy being in the NICU was more or less the kick off to a season of (every word I can think of sounds so intense) wandering…mourning…difficulty? Hellscape? Sure, that works. First, I lost my job with FMLA running out while Lucy was in the hospital, then Justin lost his job which wasn’t just his job, but our church home. Justin’s medical issues got worse and it was suggested he take surgical action, so since October, he has been undergoing a number of surgeries to get his colon removed which has resulted in more medical bills than I ever thought a person could accumulate. After each surgery there was complications, two separate month long hospital stays, then the death of our family dog, Harper, and the death of my aunt… It seemed every time I would give close friends an updated they would hang their heads and say, “are you ——— kidding?”
I never knew how to respond other than to say, “God wouldn’t walk with us through hell to just to leave us now…” Sometimes I believed it, sometimes it was an auto response, but it became my lifeline response, and it became true. In the Holy Spirit’s most random (but not random) fashion, we stumbled upon our friend Tara Beth’s church while we were lost trying to find a bakery and stopped in to say hi…one month later, April 24th, Justin started his first day of work at Good Shepherd Lutheran Church.
In hindsight, it is so evident how God picked us up in ways that were unimaginable. Monetarily, we don’t know where a lot of money came from, other than the Lord’s provision, and faithful followers of Christ listening to the Spirits guidance. Justin is alive after 10+ hour long surgeries, the removal of a major organ, infections, body parts just deciding to stop working resulting in weeks without proper nutrition or rest…he is alive. Lucy is alive after losing oxygen, PPHT, brain bleeds, GI bleeds, duodenal atresia, multiple collapsed lungs, so much swelling…and I don’t want to keep listing anymore. (Her NICU song just came on and made me stop, and I am grateful. If you have a moment, stop and listen to Yellow by Audrey Assad).
I’m alive. The Lord provided community and support in the way I needed it to keep me going.
This season has been the hardest of my life. The Lord has proven faithful and true through a lot of loss and closed doors. In those moments of deep sorrow is when I felt God the closest. Now when I long for that closeness, it is when I feel a barrier. (Good thing Spiritual Direction is a thing, right?)
Anyway. With all of that being said, April 24th seemed like the obvious day to launch something so important and something that I believe to be a true dedication to the Lord and what God has been calling me to but I have been too scared, until now. Like I said, God has already proven God’s steadfastness. This ground is firm and I’m ready to dance on it.
So, please, I invited you to celebrate with me. Celebrate the Lord’s goodness in just being present with us in pain, holding tight in fear, and providing when in need. I know I will always look back on this time and reflect on God’s unfathomable care and love.
With that, I am half asleep and I am ready to get some shut eye.
Happy April 24th, everyone. Praise God there is so much to celebrate.
